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Sarah. 20. Sophomore at UC Santa Cruz. Art History major. Democrat. Sagittarius. Likes Ewan McGregor, Lord of the Rings, Coldplay, baseball, pirates, pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain. Dislikes the Bush Junta, Dirty Dancing, intolerance, getting up early, and public speaking. More? AIM?


Listening: The Nails - 88 Lines About 44 Women
Reading: David Sedaris - Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
Quoting: "I don't think people die. I think they just go to department stores." - Andy Warhol

And the world may be long for you, but he'll never belong to you
March 04, 2004 @ 12:11 a.m.

Sometimes I think the person we're ever our really cruelest to is ourselves. We do stupid things for a bit of temporary comfort. And even though we may know in our hearts that what we're doing is wrong, and will only end up hurting us in the end, we do it anyway. Not because we don't know any better. But because we have to know if it might make life different somehow.

Regret is silly. If you have a chance for something, go for it. Even if it doesn't work out, at least you'll know. One way or the other. I'm no longer scared of taking a risk anymore. I'm more scared that I may never get the chance to take one again.

Yet however much you love someone, I don't necessarily think you need to sacrifice yourself for them. This is partly why I'm not sure if Peter and I are going to be friends anymore. He has abandoned everything - his friends, his classes, the movie he was planning on making - for a girl that's leaving school in a week. He treats all of us here pretty much like we don't exist. He gets mad at Joe if she spends any time with anyone other than him. I can't even talk to her anymore without him being around. He got mad at Andrea, and so he spent the gift certificate he bought her on himself. It's all about him and what he wants. He's even transferring to SoCal to be closer to Joe. This, for someone he's known five months, and been dating for less than one. I don't get it, and it makes me more than a little sad to be losing him over this. He knows things aren't right with any of us, and yet he does so little to change them. I barely know him anymore. And the way he's been treating people, I'm not sure I want to know him.

This is the major reason why I'm ready to come home. Not to mention I had two arguments with Dave yesterday concerning gay marriage and The Passion (which I will someday address in here.) Steve, as always, runs hot and cold, and I wish, wish, wish that he could mine, but it's not happening. How do you move on from the best guy you've ever known? If I knew, I wouldn't be here right now.

But I'm getting by. Having Andrea and Steve to talk to helps, and the fact that I've finally found a medication that works is another good sign. I got to enroll in French 2, and seeing Grandaddy at the Catalyst was truly awesome.

I know things here will get better, that it's only a matter of time, but right now, it's so hard to bear. I feel like I've lost my best friend, which is strange, considering I've only known Peter since October. I wish to god I could go back to the way things were. This almost hurts worse than what happened with Steve. I'm just so lost right now, and I'm not sure what's next.

Yesterday / Tomorrow