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Sarah. 20. Sophomore at UC Santa Cruz. Art History major. Democrat. Sagittarius. Likes Ewan McGregor, Lord of the Rings, Coldplay, baseball, pirates, pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain. Dislikes the Bush Junta, Dirty Dancing, intolerance, getting up early, and public speaking. More? AIM?


Listening: The Nails - 88 Lines About 44 Women
Reading: David Sedaris - Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
Quoting: "I don't think people die. I think they just go to department stores." - Andy Warhol

I'll be a better person on the other side, I'm sure
March 06, 2004 @ 4:19 p.m.

We all reach a point, in every endeavor, where you have to stop and decide where you should from here. Is it better to continue, or just quit? Quitting doesn't always imply weakness, but simply the acceptence of a situation for what it is, and not for it might be, or for what you want it to be.

This week was that point for me. Maybe I was just kidding myself, thinking things could go back to the way they were before. There is no going back. It's not that we don't want to, but that too much has happened and we can't.

What happened between Steve and I was wonderful, and I would never take it back, but it will not happen again. Sparks aren't always enough to sustain a relationship, there has to be something deeper, something stronger, that holds two people together. Maybe for the first time in my life, I was following something else other than my heart. But whatever was there couldn't sustain us, and that's just the way it is.

As for my friendship with Peter and Joe, well, that relationship wasn't strong enough either. Which is not to say it's over, and that we're not even friends, because we are. But it's not the same friendship as before, and it never will be. The trust, the bond, or whatever held us together is gone. Yet at the same time, that doesn't mean none of it never mattered, or that I never meant anything to them, or vice versa. It's just a different kind of meaning now, and I think I'm ready to accept that.

Everything will be all right. I don't know what forces me to believe that, but somehow, I always do. It's a constant cycle - good, bad, good, bad - and I guess I can't help but wait for the good to come around again.

Yesterday / Tomorrow